FALL IN LOVE

There is one thing that I've come to know that I wish I knew day one in this life experience. Most of us are born into this beautifully abundant world with false premises about our own lives. Many of us find ourselves under the weight of a multitude of sins, struggles, and baggage —so disconnected from the vibrant splendor that is at the center of every moment. I wish someone would have told me of my own heroism; that I was the ‘belle of the ball,’ that the Superman I would seek in life would be myself. 

Like many, from day one I looked outside myself. I’ve spent over 20 years searching for meaning in everyone and everything. I dreamed of falling in love with a girl as a kid, and then a man as an adult neither was the path to wholeness. I’ve fallen in love with homes and cars, expensive shoes, and popularity; however, none were sufficient. I’ve loved making other people happy, I’ve loved the chase and catch of the gay experience, I’ve loved orgasms and folk with shiny exteriors with awful interiors. I’ve loved all the wrong stuff, the secret stuff that makes most of us sick.

We are spoiled into insanity to behave in such a way where we many times have negated the blessedness of our lives. We have grown so accustomed to the luxury of breathing that we are no longer constantly grateful for it. This is the only body you will ever have in this life. It has carried you in spite of your learned resentment of it, your unconscious neglect, and your inability to love it first and foremost. You wonder if you are loved in this world, look no further than the beating efforts of your own heart—how it lives just for you; arms that extend and legs that bend for you. Your eyes have witnessed your life moment by moment from the beginning and your organs without fail proceed passionately for you. Your thighs, hips, lips, and fingertips are all in love with you; you are the only true love that they have ever had. Your body deserves a celebration —for all the years it’s been ignored wrapped up armed for battle. Gratitude for your whole complete self is the beginning of self-love. It is as important as eating. Without it, you can never fall in love. Take a moment now and say, Thank you. 

In order to fall in love with yourself, you must love the parts of yourself that aren’t pretty, the parts that some of us were raised to resent. Self-love looks like getting down on your knees and curling up with that part of yourself and showing it love as if you would a small child in distress. You have to meet yourself where you are for there is no one else in the world who is more worthy of your attention and tenderness than you.

Everyone has a shadow that must be recognized. We all have dark parts of ourselves that we must accept in order for us to evolve past and no longer be defined by the darkness of them. In order for us to love fully, we must experience the contrast of our shadows.

Of all the things you fall for in this life, begin with yourself. Fall deeply in love with whatever mixture that you are made up of. The birthmark that is in the wrong place, the freckles you dislike on your face, the fat on your back, the appearance of your hands and feet —all represent built up resistance in loving yourself.  Release the false narrative that there is some way you're supposed to look or be.  Loving yourself is giving yourself the standing ovation it deserves no matter the conditions or circumstances you find yourself in.  

Until you become the true love of your life, real honest explosively meaningful love will never exist in your life. It starts with you. This Fall season, as the leaves teach us what it looks like to surrender, and old things die away to make room for the new; examine the falsehoods you believed about yourself. They are the many barriers keeping you from falling madly in love with the beauty of you. 

—DAVE BRIDGEFORTH

WHAT I’VE COME TO KNOW